Do Moms Actually Have Morning Routines… or Just Survival Plans?

Ah, mornings. That magical time of day when the house goes from silent to absolute chaos in under three minutes. People always talk about “morning routines” like they’re peaceful, Pinterest-worthy rituals with yoga mats, meditation, and a glass of lemon water on a sunlit porch. Meanwhile, moms are just trying to find one matching sock before someone has a meltdown. Our “routine” is basically juggling flaming torches while someone yells, “Mom, where’s my homework?”

But hey, we survive. And survival deserves a medal. Here’s the real breakdown of a mom’s morning routine.

1. The Wake-Up Call (a.k.a. Pretending You Slept) ⏰

Technically, your alarm goes off at 6:00. Realistically, your kids wake you up at 5:42 with an urgent question about Pop-Tarts, lost pajamas, or whether the tooth fairy came. You roll out of bed with the grace of a retired gymnast, already calculating how many hours until bedtime. Bonus points if you step on a Lego before the sun is up… because nothing screams “good morning” quite like sharp plastic stabbing your foot.

2. Beverage of Power 🫖

For some, it’s coffee. For others, it’s tea. For most moms, it’s “whatever hot liquid I can grab before it goes cold.” The real trick is remembering where you left it after you’ve reheated it for the third time. There’s something sacred about that first sip… if you actually get to have it before someone shouts “Mom! I can’t find my shoe!” And if you manage to drink the whole thing while sitting down? That’s not a morning routine. That’s a vacation.

3. The Wardrobe Wrestling Match 👖

Getting kids dressed should be simple, right? Oh, sweet summer child. One refuses socks because they feel “too socky.” Another insists shorts are appropriate in 50-degree weather. And someone will always reject the perfectly clean outfit you picked out because it “doesn’t feel right.” Meanwhile, you’re standing there in pajamas, realizing you’ve worn the same pair of leggings for three days. Eventually, you wave the white flag and let them wear the Christmas shirt in September. Teachers call it “distracting.” You call it “independence.”

4. Breakfast: The Greatest Lie of All 🍳

You’ve seen the magazines with their glossy spreads of “10-Minute Healthy Family Breakfasts.” Lies. In reality, one kid wants pancakes, another wants cereal, and someone bursts into tears because the peanut butter touched the jelly. If everyone eats something that didn’t come out of a vending machine, you’re winning. And yes, granola bars in the car absolutely count as a complete breakfast. Bonus points if you remember to feed yourself too… though half a banana you stole from your toddler’s plate counts as “brunch.”

5. The Bag Shuffle 🎒

Every morning begins with a scavenger hunt no one signed up for. Lunches? Packed. Water bottles? Filled. Homework? Signed… if you remembered last night. But there’s always one missing item. A Project. A library book. A single sneaker that mysteriously vanished overnight. Suddenly you’re tearing through the house like a detective in a crime drama, only instead of finding clues, you’re yelling, “Who moved the backpack I put right here?!”

6. The Departure Sprint 🚗

No matter how early you start, you will always leave the house seven minutes late. It’s a universal law of motherhood. One kid will need to use the bathroom right as you’re locking the door. Another will decide they “forgot” about a project due today, and suddenly you’re Googling “quickest way to build a solar system model.” By the time you’re in the car, you’re doing mental gymnastics, figuring out if you can still make it to school before the bell rings. Shouting “Shoes on, let’s move, move, move!” becomes your morning cardio.

Final Thoughts

Morning routines for moms aren’t about perfection. They’re about survival. Sure, self-care is important, but sometimes the best you can do is sip your reheated tea, toss granola bars into lunchboxes, and celebrate the fact that everyone left the house wearing some form of clothing.

At the end of the day, the real victory isn’t meditation or green juice—it’s when no one cries before 8 a.m. And if we’re being honest? That “no one” includes you.